plz talk dirty to me
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
