Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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