party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
