Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
