ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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