after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
