Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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