I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
