Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
