Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
