I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
