I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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