I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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