Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
