True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
