So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
