I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
