I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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