she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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