I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
