so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
