my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
