I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
