i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
