nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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