he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
