I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
