and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to be your penis for a week.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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