even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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