1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
