Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
