I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
