I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
