we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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