I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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