Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
