Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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