Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
