haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
