It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
