Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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