i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
