its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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