Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
