He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
