If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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