they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
