Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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