Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
