Jerry, you need to find god
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
