Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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