I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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