What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
